Veteran actor, Chika Okpala a.k.a.
Zebrudaya, of the rested New Masquerade, talks about his fatherhood
journey with MOTUNRAYO JOEL.
How would you define who is a father?
A father is the head of a family and his
role is to provide for his family. As a father, I have been given a
mandate by God to protect the people He placed in my care. I have to
meet up with their demands, provide food, shelter and clothing for them.
I also have to provide financial resources needed to meet their other
needs. Many men have been fortunate to bear the name ‘father,’ but very
few of them know the role of a father.
Over the years, what experience remains the most memorable to you as a father?
A number of experiences remain memorable
to me but the one that remains special to me was the day my first child
was born. I still remember all that transpired that day. I had to rush
my wife to the hospital when she went into labour. On getting there, I
got a call from the office to report for duty. Sadly, I had to leave my
wife in the hospital. It was a painful thing to do but I had no other
choice. I really wanted to stay by her side, but as the saying goes,
‘when duty calls, you obey.’ I didn’t get to see my family until after a
day or two. But before leaving the hospital, I ensured she was in good
hands. The nurses and doctors on duty gave the assurance that all would
be well with her and to God be the glory, she gave birth.
Did the experience affect you emotionally?
What I learnt was that when duty calls,
one has no other choice than to obey. As long as the life of the person
(in the hospital or wherever) is not threatened, one should not give
one’s boss any reason to be away from work. This is one area I think
youths of today have failed to understand. I work with them, so I know
how they behave. Many times, I hear all sorts of flimsy excuses on why
they have to be absent from work. If I had stayed behind at the hospital
and given my boss an excuse, how would I have paid for her hospital
bills? Moreover, the hospital management didn’t allow me into the ward,
where my wife was to put to bed. As a man, there are times one has to
put one’s emotion aside and do what is necessary.
When your children were young, how did you assist your wife in caring for them?
I used to bathe them in the evenings,
though I was not always at home. The nature of my job kept me busy most
times. I was a film producer; I had to constantly travel to pick up
scripts and get people to rehearse the scripts. But whenever I came
home, I would assist my wife in bathing our children. I also used to
make light meals such as rice and eba, when they returned home
from school. I derived pleasure in cooking for them. Whenever I was
away on location, my mother-in-law was around to assist my wife in
taking care of our children.
Now that your children are grown, do you cook for your wife?
I cook once in a year, on October 1.
There is a native meal I love to make for my family. They always look
forward to my dish. I take delight in making the dish. I use the meal to
celebrate Nigeria’s independence. It is always a wonderful experience
on such days; I have my children and grandchildren with me.
How do you spoil your wife?
I do everything possible to pamper her. I
may not be financially buoyant but I try to provide for almost all her
needs. Whenever I’m out of the house for a long time, I take her out to
eat when I return home. I also buy her gifts whenever I travel out of
the country. I have an understanding wife. She is extremely supportive
too.
What is the most valuable gift you gave her?
I bought her a Sienna bus which I still
maintain for her up till now. This is one gift she still cherishes; it
has helped her movement to and fro work. I also built a house in her
name. If anything should happen to me, she does not have to worry about
house rent. I believe a house is a good investment.
How has fatherhood changed you?
Being a father comes with
responsibilities one must meet. As a father, one has no excuse not to
provide for one’s family. A father must be a role model to his
children. Once I became a father, I had to let go of some things. Aside
from my responsibilities at home, I have ambassadorial duties which I
must fulfill. These responsibilities, I believe, were given to me
because of my character and ways of life. If I was a terrible father, no
company would have made me its ambassador. For example, I’m the
ambassador of lepers in Nigeria. Our main job is to make sure that we
curb the discrimination and stigma against lepers. I believe fatherhood
makes one more responsible.
Your two children are adults now and out of your house. What would you have loved to do differently as a father?
There is nothing I would have done
differently. The only thing I would probably put more emphasis on is
ensuring they become successful persons in future, which they already
are. I would encourage them more. As a parent, one cannot get tired of
advising one’s children. Even when they (children) are mature and out of
one’s house, one still has to continue to guard them.
Do you still spend time with your kids?
They are all grown up but once in a
while, I visit them or they come to spend holidays with me. Even though
they are both adults now, I still take them out for dinner when they
come to visit and I buy them gifts whenever I travel abroad. A father
will always be a father.
How did you discipline your children when they erred?
I was quite strict on them especially
when they went out of the house to play. I ensured they played within
the confines of my compound. I do not like it when a child goes out of
his parent’s house to play. Whenever they misbehaved, I corrected them
verbally. There were times I beat them.
How tough was it raising your children?
It is a tough task, as a parent, one
cannot meet all the demands of one’s children. I trained my children to
be content with what life throws at them and appreciative too. I made
sure that they didn’t grow up to envy other children. One of the values
I cherish most is hard work. I am a hard-working man; I do not tolerate
laziness. My children say they have not come across anybody who is as
hard working as I am. The word laziness is not in my vocabulary.
I made sure that I trained my children
to be hard-working too. I also taught them how to be independent and not
always depend on us (parents) for everything. Instilling all these
values in them did not come easy. This made me to say that raising
children is not an easy task.
With your busy schedule, do you find time to relax?
I do not joke with my rest time. I
believe that when one works hard, one should rest well. My style of
relaxation is to spend time with my wife at a place the Igbo call ‘obi’
with a newspaper and a bottle of water or fresh fruit in my hand.
