I DEFLOWERED MY WIFE — Holy Mallam

Comedian, Ajibola Adebayo, alias Holy Mallam, and his wife, Ijeoma, share the story of their eight-year-old union

How did you meet?

Ijeoma:   I had seen him perform before and I was impressed with his style of presentation. The day we met, he hosted a show organised by my friend.   When it was time for him to leave, he could not because someone was blocking his car.  During the brief period he waited to move his car, we got talking and he gave me his call card.  When I got home that night, I decided to call him since he did not have my number. I felt it would be nice to have a comedian as a friend.  This was in May 2004. We have been married for eight years.

Holy Mallam:    I was in a hurry to leave the venue of the show in order to go and see a lady I was interested in at the time.   When Ijeoma called me that night, I was in the lady’s house. After her call and subsequent calls from me, we became friends and I eventually left the lady for her.

How did he propose?

Ijeoma: It was not spectacular, no ceremony. One day we were in the car and he said, ‘if we should get married right now your children would be Yoruba.  After a week, he just came and thrust a ring into my hand and I just collected it. Unfortunately it was too big for my fingers and he had to return it to the shop.

 Why did you leave that other lady?

Holy Mallam: I was still talking to her, trying to get her to agree for us to date but she was giving me too many conditions.  The process was taking too long.

When you met were you involved with another man?

Ijeoma: No. I was not

Were you a virgin at the time he met you?

Holy Mallam: She was.

Are you joking?

Holy Mallam: No. I am serious.   I had already told God that I wanted to marry a virgin.

 Is he your first lover?

Ijeoma: Yes.

Why? You had gone through secondary school, the university and then went for national youth service..

Ijeoma: I just think it is God.  I gave my life to Christ when I was in Junior Secondary School.    Another thing was that I am a very shy person. I dreaded the thought of going to bed with a man, telling myself that I may not be able to face him in the morning.  I had male friends but our relationships did not last more than one month because along the line, the man would want intimacy as a proof of love. Then, our fellowship coordinator always cautioned us to keep ourselves pure.  He would tell us that if we disobeyed God, we would get pregnant.  Somebody else also told me that if a man married me as a virgin, he would appreciate me so much and give me whatever I wanted.

Was it after the wedding that you had sex with him for the first time?

Ijeoma: Yes. It was three days after the wedding because I was too scared.   But on a Monday, my husband said, ‘we can’t continue like this.  I have paid and have done everything.’

Holy Mallam: It was a very big wedding. Over 1000 guests attended and I was too tired on the night of the wedding to do anything. That was a good excuse for her.

Did you have to read about how to deflower a lady?

Holy mallam: No.

Ijeoma:  I read it up on the internet and was able to guide him.

You are part Hausa and Yoruba, why did you marry an Igbo lady?

Holy Mallam: My mother is from Niger State but she was born and brought up in Lagos and she speaks Yoruba fluently.   I love Nigeria and I have always loved Ibo soup. But that was not why I married her. I think our union was destined.

You have three children; did you plan for the number?

Ijeoma: Before we got married, we had decided to have three children but when the second child came and we realised it was a boy, we changed our minds and decided to stop having children.

Holy Mallam: We had an agreement with God that we were going to have three children. Our first was a girl and then, we had a boy. When the boy came, we decided to play smart and stop. Then, my wife was working on her weight. In fact, I spent a lot of money on that and I always took her to Victoria Garden City, where the gym is and I spent over two hundred thousand naira and the results were amazing.

Ijeoma:  I got the ideal weight I desired but suddenly found out that I was pregnant again! I cried but we thank God the boy came. He just completes the family.

How do you hang out as a couple away from the kids?

Ijeoma: Before the kids came, we were inseparable. Now, we try to carve out time to be together because my love language is spending quality time together.

Holy Mallam: We were always together, even when she was pregnant with the first child.

As a marriage counsellor, what impact does that have on your marriage?

Ijeoma: It has helped a lot because I was naive of so many things. Being the first child of the family, my position has always been that of a leader and it affected the way I related with my husband. I was manifesting some controlling tendencies unintentionally but God called me to order.

 Holy Mallam:  We have a monthly programme for couples. I am usually part of her audience and whenever she speaks during those seminars, the familiarity that exists between us as a couple disappears. I pay attention to her as if she was somebody else. I learn a lot during those gatherings and what I learn, I try to practise at home.

What will happen if you discover your husband has cheated on you?

Ijeoma: I don’t know if he would ever cheat because I am free with his phone.    One day, when I asked him to tell me what would prevent him from cheating on me, he just said, ‘the fact that I fear God.’ That settled the matter for me.   I always tell God to keep him for me and I would be foolish to assume that it can never happen. The devil is out for Christians.  He does not go to club houses and he does not drink. He may not meet some of those girls but what about the ones inside the church?

Holy Mallam: There is no superman anywhere. Anything that we want to achieve can only be made possible by the grace of God. I meet a lot of ladies, some even ask me to sign autographs on their breasts. As a Christian, I don’t respond to such gestures.   I always carry my wife on my mind. I know that I will always go home to her at the end of the day.

What pet name do you have for each other?

Ijeoma: Honey.

Holy Mallam: The children call me ‘honey’ and call her mummy.